My decisions are no longer based on what I want, but rather on the time. For example, if I ask myself “am I the reason for this issue?” and the last digit to the right is an even number, then the answer is yes. Naturally, I freak. I know it’s not a logical way of thinking, and I really need to stop. I ask these questions and get answers I don’t want, and then BAM. Kristine loses her mind and cries all over the place. It’s kinda sad how I’m treating this like my diary, but I really hope someone will read this and help me out with ways to just…let go of my insecurities, because they’re everywhere. He’s “confused” and I asked if it was because of me. He said “No” but I , being the conceited cow that I am, think it has everything to do with me. But you know, I don’t want to roll with the punches. Sometimes it’s best to sit and take it, and I’ve done that for my other relationships, but with this one, I want it to be different. I want it to work because dammit, I care! Relationships aren’t just one person sitting alone confused. It’s two people who should want to make it work. I know I’m willing to try. Hell, I’m even throwing my pride out of the window by singing Pink’s “Please Don’t Leave Me” and actually getting what she’s saying. I won’t say that I love him, because honestly, I don’t know. What I do know is that there is potential to be something wonderful and lasting, and I want to put my all into it. That way I’ll know that I’ve tried and I won’t spend the rest of my life asking myself “what if I had tried harder?” But in all honestly, I don’t know how to function normally anymore. I’ve lost my edge, and at time it’s a good thing. But other times, I damn near lose my mind.
