I feel so strange. Like I’m not actually here. It’s as if part of me is in a dream, while the other part is on auto pilot. Maybe it’s because I’ve got too much time on my hands. That could very well be it. I’ve also been thinking about B- a lot, and I get this sick feeling in my stomach. I’m hoping it’s only due to the “lonely holiday” effect, because if it isn’t, we’ve got a huge problem. I mean, I’ve got the closure I wanted, in a way, so there really isn’t a need for me to be feeling the way I do. Unless…I let him in farther than I realized. I need water now. Goodnight, And happy Holidays.